DRIVELVILLE

This way to your one stop drivel shop where all of my inner most thoughts about dating are here for your amusement.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Thank you Mr. Beer Man!

After a couple weeks of witty e-mail and phone banter I agreed to meet a man I met on-line for a date. He's a beer consultant with a degree in psychology, 42 years old, divorced, no kids, tall, lean with sparkling blue eyes - quite cute. It doesn't even sound like a real profession but this guy actually gets paid phat stacks to travel around the globe telling people how to run breweries. My friend Scott told me that if I get romantically involved with Mr. Beer Guy that my status of "good friend" would be elevated to "Goddess" so I may have to continue dating him just for that reason alone. I met Mr. Beer Guy at a small pub that happened to have an extensive beer list. He thoughtfully guided me through the different types of beers, asked me what exactly I liked and also took into consideration that I wanted something with a low alcohol content. How convenient to have a beer expert at my fingertips!

Conversation came easily and before I knew it several hours had flown by. Before the date was over he was already asking me for a second date - after he returns from Europe in a couple weeks. Yeah, I think I'll see him again.

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Not-A-Date Update

I learned that Mr. Econ Guy does indeed still have a girlfriend and yet the whole evening felt like a date. The only thing undatey about Saturday night was that nothing happened and he didn't even try anything. Once again he went the entire evening without mentioning his girlfriend. You would think that he would at least say something in passing like; "My girlfriend and I went to that movie and hated it." or "My girlfriend is out of town, gosh I'm lonely." Something!

While we were hanging out having a beer after the play I decided to have some fun and mess with him a little, it went something like this;


Me - "Hey, there's something I've been wanting to ask you...it's kinda personal...gosh this is really awkward."

Mr. Econ Guy wearing the distinct wide-eyed look of sheer terror - "Uh, ok?"

Me [taking a long pull from my beer, drawing out the squirm factor] - "Well....are you...[long dramatic pause]...the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby?"

Mr. Econ Guy digesting the non-girlfriend inquisition banter, smiles, looks relieved - "Not that I'm aware!"


After that he seemed to relax a little. It's funny, I have absolutely no idea what his intentions are but I'm enjoying this little mystery. It's fun learning about him and enjoying his company and it also doesn't hurt that he's completely adorable. He's going out of town for a little while but when he gets back we have already made plans for another non-date at the Walker museum followed by dinner at a schwanky restaurant. It will be very interesting to see how this all unfolds.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Date? Not-A-Date!

Lets play a little game shall we? I call it 'Date? Not-A-Date!' It's very simple, I just have to figure out if I'm going on a real date or not. I had an extra ticket to a play my friend is starring in so I invited Mr. Econ Guy. His reply (via e-mail) was short and to the point as usual. "Ok, I can go. It will be good to see you again." We're meeting this Saturday before the play at a Chinese restaurant.

Some of the aspects of this occasion feel like a date;
a) We have agreed to meet at a specific place at a specific time.
b) We're meeting for dinner and a play.

On the other hand there are things that feel distinctly un-datey;
a) He's not picking me up nor did he offer to do so.
b) I did the asking.
c) I chose the restaurant and we will most likely go dutch.

Hmmmm, I guess I just answered my own question. I'm thinking this isn't a date. Good thing too because the forecast is for snow. There's nothing quite so pathetic as a thirtysomething lady attempting to look sexy in a huge, long, puffy coat and ungainly furry boots. Saaaad :(

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

PSA Responders Cry "Whaaaa-whaaaa"

Below are some of the responses to my PSA.

whatsinaname3939 writes:
So what's the point of your profile anyway? You're putting out a strange picture of yourself, if you actually are putting out a picture of yourself. It sure is easy to criticize, but in this venue it doesn't seem very contructive. What's the point?

I would also guess that you're not one of the "most women" you talk about. By the way, is this rant your way of telling us who you are?

Just curious...

[I think this guy was attempting to teach me something but I missed the point...]


And this one from MarkMPLSSTPAUL writes:
I like the advice...you seem a little critical...I like sassy redheads though. I think I can take it, if you have some time to review my ad and advise.

[I'm a "little critical"??? Oh honey, you ain't seen nothin yet.]


1muscleman wrote:
I think you are a woman that I'de like to take the time to get to know. I hope you are open to the idea, let me know.

[not all were cry babies!]


STKZ:
I would say that many women need help. How many times have I read, "Out going, adventurous, I love to travel, generous, etc..." The same thing goes for pictures. I see many pics of women with guys. I just met an "ambitious professional who is strong, independent, and self-sufficient", that was allowing her ex to stay at her house to see their son. When I asked her who the guy was with his eyes blacked out in one of her pics that included her son, she said it was her ex! She also mentioned how he cheated on her for 6 years. I lost respect and thought that was just too weird...

[Again, missing the point here.]


bobastic77:
ooooh, the candle picture! I'll bet you have special powers!! The only powers you have after reading your "profile", is the power of miserable! God you're pathetic. "happy hunting:)"

["whaaaa whaaaa! the mean lady immasculated my fwagile whittoe ego! whaaaa whaaaa!"]

A Public Service Announcement

After taking a break from on-line dating I decided I would have a little fun with my on-line profile. Instead of talking about myself I used the "About Me" field to talk directly to the more disadvantaged guys out there who really needed guidance in the fine art of writing a profile and thus was the Public Service Announcement born. Below is what I wrote:


Hello Boys! After reading many, many profiles I decided I could hold my tongue no longer. You guys need help! So listen up.

First off, lets talk about your pictures. Women are just as "visual" as men are so invest in some decent photographs and remember the eyes are the window to your soul - if we can't see your eyes how will we know who you are? Mkay?

Second, photos taken with you and other chicks are a HUGE turn off, we don't know that the pretty blonde standing next to you with your arm around her shoulder is your sister so err on the side of caution.

Next, lets discuss headlines and body text. Never ever use the following words - easy going, fun loving, laid back or honest. Those are just cliches that tell us that you either a) Don't know who you are b) Haven't really put much thought into who you are or c) Are hiding something. I have yet to meet a guy who claimed he was "fun loving" and truly was. Don't tell us who you are, show us who you are. Talk about what makes you happy, tell us what annoys you, share a story!

OK, how about using the spell checker huh? Compose what you want to say in an e-mail or word doc then copy and paste. It's not that hard and it makes a world of difference. Also, don't neglect your punctuation.

Now about Winking - nobody gives a crap if you wink so don't be a Winker. And Fling Trollers - go someplace else. Most women are here to find love. Seriously.

I know I may sound a little harsh but following this advice will help you not hurt you. Good luck and happy hunting!

Monday, February 05, 2007

I'm Fucking Cold!

This morning I woke up to an air temperature of -15 degrees and that doesn't even include the wind chill factor! I can't even think about dating it's so cold right now. Who wants to go out on a first date when you can't look remotely cute? If it wasn't for the furry boots you would have no idea that I was a girl. The pursuit of dating is on hold until this nasty arctic blast is over. I think February is going to be a bust. Oh well, there's always snowy, slushy, miserable, gray March to look forward to!


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