Love Letters from Illiterates

Here, for your amusement are e-mails sent to me from an on-line dating service. This is not for the faint of heart, many crimes against punctuation and grammar have been committed. These eager potential paramours will hopefully teach others how NOT to make a first impression. Note that these messages are exactly as I received them. I only X'ed out the e-mail addresses and phone numbers to protect the not-so-innocent.

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Have they run out of women in Utah that he needs to seek women in Minnesota and beyond???


hello,I am keith,42 years old from Ogden Utah,how are you,i found your profile on match,i really got impressed cause i really like it and i will like to to know more about you and hook up myself with you as good friend with each other,cos i believe frienship could lead to relationship.

In my world, I walked to a different drum.i want you to come to my life and joined me in my journey.i want to be in harmony and and at peace in the world of love,If it's the thought that counts you can always count on me.Please be my Valentine,When two souls, that have shed their loneliness, embrace and melt into one; from out of loneliness, love is born. i will love to hear from you again.
thanks
keith XXXXX.


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And here's one from a very confident guy who has no idea that saying "tickle in my tummy" is really, really gay.



Synchronicity..How are you? Your description and photo truly gave me a sublime tickle in my tummy! You are an alluringly beautiful and fascinating woman.

I'm happy to have found your add I'm an artist/ entrepreneur who lives and works in a house in Driggs, Idaho, near Jackson Hole with a great view of the Tetons through giant picture windows.....so much beauty and no one to share it with! The other part of the time I time in a loft on the East River on the Brooklyn waterfront in NY with a great view of the NYC sky line.

If you're interested, my art site is: XXXXXXXXX

I would really like the opportunity to know you!
Greg


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This little fella apparently has me confused with a phone sex operator...



Hi I read your profile, and I found you attractive, sexy and provocative. I will like to know more about you, meet you, and see what future there is for both of us. If you are interested I am sincerely open for a friendly call at 952-XXX-XXXX Marcos....




Man, some people just shouldn't date on-line.