Say It With Pinecones

I've been given flowers by complete strangers before. I've had a secret admirer who rode the same bus as me give me a long love letter. I've been given diamond earrings, gold watches and poems and songs and even a painting dedicated to me but last night was the first time I've ever been given pinecones. Mr. Beer Guy brought me back four perfect little pinecones that he scoured Belgium, Germany, Luxemburg and the Netherlands for. His hosts thought he was crazy. I know that what he did was illegal but that makes it all the more charming. On top of that I had a great time last night. Conversation flowed easily and he behaved like a perfect gentleman. I shall see him again.

The Beer Guy Returns

The Beer Guy has actually been keeping up with e-mailing me and said he brought me back a gift from Belgium. Not being one to refuse gifties I happily agreed to meet him for a drink tonight. Before he left for Europe he asked me if I wanted him to bring back anything and I jokingly replied, "A pinecone or a pony!". I hope it's not a pinecone.

There's a new guy on my D.R. (Dating Radar) that I'll be meeting for brunch for the first time this Sunday. He's from the south and if you've ever had the pleasure of hearing David Sedaris speak you can pretty much get an idea of what this guy sounds like. I think I'll call him Mr. Drawly. He's in marketing, 40 years old, divorced, dark hair, dark brown eyes and if his pictures are current appears to be svelte. I'm just not sure about his accent, it's cute now but could I stand listening to that kind of drawl in the long term? It could make me homicidal.

Karmic sign or dirty litter-bug?

After fielding many, MANY e-mails from potential (and not so potential) on-line daters I began to despair. Date after date with duds, phone calls going extremely awry with seemingly normal sounding men, guys who e-mail me but just don't know how to close the deal, I began to wonder, "Is this it? Have I scraped the bottom of the barrel? Is there simply no one out there for me?" I had thoughts of canceling my on-line subscription and getting a cat but then as I was getting into my car last Sunday something on the ground caught my eye. At first I was tempted to ignore it but as I was wearing gloves I decided the likelihood of contracting some fatal bacteria was minimal. It was lying face down - it was a playing card. I picked it up and slowly turned it over - it was the Ace of Hearts. Either the universe is trying to tell me something or there is a naughty litter-bug out there with an incomplete deck of cards. What do you think?

So not Mr. Motivating

I'm a tree hugging liberal vegetarian. It says so right there in my profile. I don't try and hide it. So why in gods name would Mr. Motivational think we would have anything in common? Last night, on the phone, he revealed to me the following things:

1) He doesn't believe that global warming is real and that human activity has no impact on global climate change. (those scientists are making up sham tests and surveys!)

2) He says that since it costs five times as much to make a can from recycled material and "he's not about to destroy the U.S. economy", he doesn't recycle. (W.T.F.???)

3) He drives a Cadillac.

4) He's 36 years old and has never been in a relationship longer than one year.

5) Because he cares about animals he thinks it's important to hunt deer every year. He boasted that he has killed seven deer so far, as if I would be impressed.

After he rambled on and on and on about himself and how great he is, I informed him that I really didn't see how it would work with us and didn't care to meet him. His response was this, "Well, if that's the way you feel about it. It's your call though."

Uh, yeah. I think it's always going to be my call buddy.

Sneaky Dutch Dip

Update: Well last nights date with Mr. Bird Luvah was a bust. First of all he lied about himself on his profile - "Athletic and Toned" apparently means that you like to watch sports and you have strong toned calf muscles from lugging around all that extra fat. I could have sworn it meant something else but what do I know about men's body images? I could have gotten past that "little white lie" but at the end of the date he picked up the check and said, "Uuuuh, do ya wanna split this?". What kind of jerk asks a woman out and then asks her to split the tab on the first date? (I only ordered one glass of wine and we split an appetizer) That's just unprofessional! I almost hoped he would have tried to kiss me so I had an excuse to knee him in the groin but instead I just did the classy thing, batted my lashes, "Of course not. How much do I owe?"

Tomorrow I have a lunch date with a Corporate Motivational Speaker. I'll call him Mr. Motivational. We'll see just how motivated he makes me...

Meet Mr. Bird Luvah

As I perused the on-line profiles of guys who sent me "Winks" I came across one who had a picture of himself canoodling with a fluffy cockatoo on his shoulder - naturally my interest was piqued. After a few weeks of e-mailing we are finally meeting tonight. He's a grad student advisor, 36, tall and expresses himself very well however it's never a guarantee that the 3-D version will align with the 2-D. He also seems to have a penchant for animals, birds in particular, which of course is a huge plus with me! He seems intelligent however a PhD means nothing in the world of dating and romance; case in point the emotionally crippled guy I dated who had a degree in some sort of relationships field. Ah, the joys of on-line dating! So many freaks, so little time...

And speaking of freaks, Mr. Beer Guy was in Europe for the past couple of weeks (supposedly) and sent me several flirty e-mails and then all of a sudden stopped calling and e-mailing. Unless he contacts me soon I don't think I'll be going out with him again.