DRIVELVILLE

This way to your one stop drivel shop where all of my inner most thoughts about dating are here for your amusement.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Chapter 5 - Cheap dates and waffles

After calling me way too many times and suggesting that he should come over to make dinner at my place I decided I couldn't see Robert the Professor Guy again. I had only been on one very poor date with him. And I mean poor literally, he asked me to coffee but didn't offer to buy my coffee when I got there. How cheap is that?! Who thinks it's OK to invite himself over to cook in my kitchen after only meeting me once??? He also said he could bring over a DVD and ..."then we can snuggle while we watch the movie." What the fuck?!? Who does this guy think he is? I swear I was NOT giving him any mixed signals. He also said that on Sunday after I didn't return his call he was very tempted to just "drop in on me to see how I was doing." Uh, can you say stalker? So I called him and this is how it went...

riiiing riiing

"Hello?"

"Hey Robert, how's it going?" yada yada yada

Me - "I think I should tell you that I'm pretty sure I don't feel anything romantic toward you. I'm just not feeling it. Nothing personal of course. You just can't force these things."

Stalker Guy - "I don't think you can really know if you feel attracted to someone after only meeting them once. It takes me a really long time to figure that out. I usually have to spend a lot of time with someone before I know if I have romantic feelings about someone or not."

Me - "It doesn't take me long to know if there's an attraction. I usually know in three seconds after meeting someone."

Stalker Guy - "Not me, it takes me a long time."

Me - "But you're attracted to me aren't you?"

S.G. - "Well yes! I find you attractive."

Me, triumphantly - "Ha! Didn't take you long to figure that out did it?!"

Clearly unable to accept rejection gracefully, he still tried arguing with me. This guy, for all his claims of being over his wife, for all his education in the area of communication and relationships (he's got a PhD) is so crippled!

On Wednesday I was supposed to *maybe* have coffee with Toby zee German. I feel bad because I didn't call him back when I said I would. That's not like me to blow someone off. I met him through a friend of a friend. He's not even really their friend but just the guy who is remodeling their kitchen. If he was a really good friend of one of my really good friends then I would have at least called him to tell him I wasn't interested in dating him but I figured since he's on the outermost fringe of acquaintanceship it was acceptable. At least that's how I'm justifying it.

OK, now on to Philip the Sound Guy. I call him Philip the Sound Guy because he's an audio engineer and his defining characteristic is music and sound and dancing. The last time we talked he made it pretty clear that he didn't feel clear about how he felt about me. When a guy repeatedly says, "It's complicated." you know where you stand - NOT! As one friend put it, it's too early to be waffley.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Roolz Schmoolz

I try (try being the operative word here) to be a Rules girl, usually failing spectacularly. Call it a lack of faith, call it a lack of moral fiber but whatever the cause I cannot seem to abide by these easy set of directions which I know full well are designed to protect me from heart ache and lead me down the path that I truly want to go. What are some of these Rules you ask? Here are just a few that I don't follow but wish I did.

1) Don't pursue the guy, let him do all the work. Guys like a challenge, that's why they play sports and raid corporations. If you make it too easy for them they won't feel the satisfaction of knowing they "won" you thus making you more valuable to them. If they really value you they will be less likely to take you for granted. Also, guys know what they like and don't like, they know who they find attractive, if he doesn't call then there's a pretty good reason for it. Why oh why can't I follow this one? What is this compulsion I have with sending e-mails to guys first? Or calling first?

2) Don't sleep with him on the first, second or even third date. Ok, this really isn't a problem for me MOST of the time but if I find a guy exceptionally hot...well hey, I'm only human! My problem is I get emotionally attached to the person I'm sleeping with (yeah I know, typical female) regardless of whether they are good for me or not. I've got a simple remedy to stop me from breaking this rule - I simply avoid alcohol on the first few dates. I'm tellin' ya! That saying is true, 'Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker'. Amen to that!

3) Don't open up too quickly and don't play therapist. I'm much better about this one but I didn't use to be. I used to share too much too soon and of course that's gonna scare a guy away. Yes, we are all neurotic in our own special way and no one is without baggage but I've learned it's important to bring out the baggage very, very slowly - if at all. I LOVE to analyze people. Emotional trauma and weird personality ticks fascinate me so it's hard not to dig when a guy opens up *especially* when there's an ex-wife involved and you want to know why their marriage ended. It's not as if I'm going to get a straight answer to that question anyway.

I try hard not to beat myself up when I break the Rules but I'm my own worst critic. It makes me wonder just how much will power I actually have. I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person but perhaps I don't know myself as well as I thought?

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Chapter 4 - Don't Sleep With "That Guy"

Clare was dating this guy named Philip a couple months ago but nothing came of their relationship. I had hung out with him and Clare a couple of times and developed a little crush on him and he in turn was attracted to me but never acted on it out of respect for Clare (naturally). Fast forward to the Meet & Mate party and who should come walking through my door but Philip! He didn't know he was coming to my party - his friend Mandy had brought him and I don't even really know Mandy. Philip and I flirt for the rest of the night and end up making out - ooooh naughty! Then we met up a couple more times and then I make the fatal mistake of sleeping with him. I told him that I wasn't a floozy and that I was afraid I would never hear from him again if I slept with him - that was last Saturday. Last night he called and we had a pleasant chat then he says to me "I'm not sure how I feel about us." and "I think I'm getting cold feet." and "It's complicated." What I'm hearing is, "I don't really like you." "I slept with you because I'm a dog and I don't care about your feelings." "I plan on sleeping with you a couple more times until I get bored with you or until I meet some other sucker." I didn't know what to say, I can't say I was surprised by it because I seem to be cursed but still all I could say was "Hey, I'm not asking for a commitment. If you want to see me - great! If not - fine." So, this morning I was mulling the conversation over and I called him and said "I must have sucker written across my forehead. If you don't want to see me just say so but don't try and spare my feelings. I don't want you to see me out of guilt." He assured me that he really likes me and wants to see me but again "It's complicated." "I don't know how to date." "I'm not sure how I feel." yada yada yada. I just don't know what to do so I guess I'll do nothing.

Then there was zee german at the party named Toby. He was a tall guy with the silly mushroom cloud hair. He called and asked me out and stupidly I said yes. Why did I say yes? I meant no! I guess I really want to be friends with him. I should have been up front about it.

Then there's this guy I met through Match named Robert who is a total freak. I don't even know where to begin. He was married for 15 years and he's been divorced for three. He says he's over it but clearly is not. He just seems so desperate to be with someone - anyone. He's the kind of guy who tries to create an atmosphere of emotional intimacy artificially. It's so forced. On our first and only meeting we started with coffee (which he didn't offer to buy) then we went to lunch at a little diner and he tried feeding me fries. I'm sorry but you don't feed a girl fries on a first date. He clearly was not reading me very well otherwise he would have noticed the look of horror as he shoved the ketchup laden fry in my face. I don't know how to tell him to go away without hurting his feelings. I may just have to get mean though.

Chapter 3 - The Bigger Person

Chapter Three - The Bigger Person or He's Just Not That Into Me

Tired of waiting for Anders the Surgeon to call I decided to take matters into my own hands and call him instead. I know it's against the rules but there's nothing I hate more than being kept hanging. I got his voice-mail so I left my call-back number. I didn't actually expect him to call me back but half an hour later he did....riiing riiiing...

"Hello?"
"Hey, it's Anders."
"I know."
"Sorry I've been out of touch but I've been really busy with work and...." yada yada yada
"Anders, just be straight with me and tell me how you feel. I can take it."
"OK, I dunno, I'm confused. When I'm with you I really enjoy your company but when I'm not with you I'm not sure how I feel. When I think about you things just don't feel right."
"Well, either you're into me or you're not."
"I guess I need to back off of this for now."
"What does that mean?"
"I shouldn't date you."
"OK then."
"Well, good night."
"Good night."

The next morning (this morning) as I was showering and thinking (of course that's where all geniuses do all their best thinking) I decided that I would be "the bigger person" and invite him to my party. I called him this morning and left a message telling him that I really didn't have any hard feelings toward him and that I hoped we could be friends in some capacity and then told him all about my party and said that it would be great if he came and "...who knows, maybe you'll get lucky!"

Chapter 2 - The Quiet Phone

CHAPTER TWO ~ "The Quiet Phone or Pondering Why Men Don't Call"

In a cowardly e-mail which I thought was forgivable since I hadn't actually slept with him I told Scott the Foam Guy that I just didn't feel that "zing" for him and that I hoped we could be friends. He responded ever so graciously and said that even if nothing romantic happened between us he new from the moment he met me that he would definitely want to be my friend. What an incredibly nice thing to say and I do believe he means it. So now I have a new friend, YAY! And I invited him to the singles party. Should be a hoot.

Bachelor number three - Jim the Safety Guy asked me on a coffee date yet it was just too late. He waited too long and I don't think he's that into me. Now that I'm ignoring him he has become more and more persistent about asking me out - his e-mails more urgent and demanding "C'mon, I know how to treat a lady. Let me just take you out for one beer." I have put a Block on him.

...what's that I hear? Crickets? Silence? The last of the leaves rustling on the trees in the wind? Indeed I hear these things but no phone ringing. The last time I spoke with Anders the Surgeon was Tuesday night. He gave me a brief run-down on how the rest of his week was looking and said in a vague way, "Is it alright if I call ya later to check up ya?" Clever girl that I am responded, "Of course! You can call me anytime you like." Day six and no phone call and no e-mail. My gut says, "Let it go. Move along, nothing to see hear. Just keeep moving." I just don't get it. One minute he just can't wait to see me and the next second nothing. nada. zero. zilch! and I hadn't even slept with him yet. He should at least get to know my irritating personality before he rejects me. That's like illegal dumping.

It's ironic, I have terrible instincts for filtering out the jerks but my instincts are usually flawless when it comes to detecting when I'm getting dumped or rejected. It's a gift.

Nothing else promising happening on the Match.com front but with the party just around the corner I'm focusing all of my "dating mojo" on that instead.

Choices, choices

My Dating Life - A Novel

Chapter One - "Choices, choices"

Friday night, met with Scott the Foam Guy. 43 years old, never married, from Chicago, has one Boxer dog. He was a total gentleman, tall, dark and handsome and talked a lot and made me feel comfortable. He showed very little interest in getting to know me though. He talked at me instead of with me. Maybe it was first date jitters? I think not but just in case I'm going to let him take me out on another date but he's really going to have to prove that he's worthy of my time.

Saturday night, met with Anders the Surgeon Guy. 44 years old, divorced with a fourteen year old daughter named Margaret whom he spends as much time with as possible. He was a total gentleman, tall, pale and cute, talked with me not *at* me, showed interest in me and was very sweet. Like any dating savvy guy he set up another date that night for Tuesday.

Sunday night, Scott the Foam Guy called to ask me out, I didn't answer the phone - too busy or maybe I'm just avoiding him cuz I like Anders?

Monday morning, Anders e-mails me to say he just can't wait to see me again and would I like to go to dinner tonight? YES!!!

Monday night, Anders drives all the way from his house in Wisconsin to take me to dinner at Boca Chica's. His reward - a short lusty make-out session for which he seemed most grateful. I may see him again this Wednesday. I have the day off from work and he mentioned maybe going to BodyWorlds.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there's about three other guys expressing interest in me who look promising although none have actually asked me for my number or asked me out.

So I'm having fun! Yay dating!!!


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